dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize