i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize