girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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