I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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