Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my poor anus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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