its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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