I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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