You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
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those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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