I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
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On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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