I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize