I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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