Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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