Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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