I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize