I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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