I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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