Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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