Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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