I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
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Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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