??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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