If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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