He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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