true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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