My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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