Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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