I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
my liver is dry heaving
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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