Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize