ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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