My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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