I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I deserve this hangover.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize