Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize