dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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