I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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