she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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