In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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