he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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