Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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