I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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