She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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