we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize