Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize