i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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