i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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