for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize