every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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