I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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