a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize