so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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