there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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