Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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